Finding and loosing love

So I'm really new at this, but I've been reading everyone Else's blogs lately, and I have way too much time on my hands right now so here I am with a blog. This is about my journey to finding love not only from other people but within myself.

For the past 6 months I've watched my best friend Rachel change her life. She has changed a lot of things, and everyone of them has motivated me to do the same. She has shown me to have no fear when it comes to becoming the person you truly want to be. She started training for a marathon with her dad and sister, and i have watched her loose weight and find strength and joy in running. I have had a tough year and figured it was about time i did something to get me to where i wanted to be. So i joined Weight Watchers and started running. Rachel and my mom have been my cheerleaders for three months now. My mom bought me new shoes and Rachel makes me want to run farther faster. So I've been running..slowly and not extremely regularly but I've been running. Its definitely helping. I'm finding joy in running, and I'm slowly getting better!! i love it!

I left Calgary two weeks ago and came on a last minute road trip with my roommate Paige's brother Joe to Victoria. I was only going to stay out here for a week, and it turned into a three week vacation. I'm still not sure if this was a good idea or a bad one, but I've had A LOT of time to think about things and a lot of time to do nothing. I am glad that my sisters and dad are coming out tomorrow because i miss people. My sister Laura is moving out here so they are all coming to have an adventure as we get her set up in this new place. Secretly, but not so secretly I am very jealous of Laura. I wish i could come out to the Island but as it turns out my schooling is keeping me in Calgary for two more years.

Last week I spent a day with this boy i know. He's amazing, but not so amazing all at the same time. We are best friends, some days i wish we were more than best friends. We met last summer, spent a month becoming best friends and a week trying to be more than friends. I left for Europe in September, leaving my heart in his hands believing that he would be careful with it. Three weeks later i got my heart back....in pieces via email while i was in France. We didn't talk much while i was away. I was trying to put all the pieces back together. they were almost all back where they should be when i got back in December. Then we started talking again. We both remembered how much we enjoyed each others friendship and things were good for a few months. Before i realized it, the cracks that were still in my heart got a bit bigger. He was dating this other girl, who is really good for him and i learned to be OK with that. By march the pieces of my heart i had tried so hard to put back together were coming apart. when i told him this he decided that we had to stop being friends for a while. this was in the spring. In June his girlfriend left for Halifax for 18 months and he stayed home to wait for her to come home so they can get married. I was sure my heart was totally put back together...Superglued together even. When i decided to come out to Victoria we were both so excited to see each other. We spent a whole day together, and it was awesome!! When it came time to say goodbye my heart had found its way back into his hands....a place i didn't really want it to be, but i couldn't stop it from going there. We said good night and just like last summer, i woke up in the morning with my heart back in my chest, not broken this time...only a bit bruised. Its taken a year but i finally have come to realize that we are only meant to be friends. Its been a long road of happiness and heartbreak, but I'm finally realizing that. I'm not ready to be friends yet, but someday i know i will get there. It makes me sad that it can't be today, but that's not how love works. Bruises take time to heal. time.... its all i can ask for, its the only thing that will make things better. I can only pray that it doesn't take too long.